Stupid Horse-Face
by LoveSongForDog
Summary: Plunge into the thoughts of a very confused and concerned Armin Arlelt , as this thoughts clash within the walls of his mind


_**This story contains some major spoilers for you who are not reading the manga after around chapter chapter 34-35** , I wouldn't recommend reading this as it gives a few things away. IF YOU ARE JUST WATCHING THE ANIME, THIS IS NOT RECOMMEND, YO. But if you're brave, and whatever and want to take a chance, ignore this. Sorry that this has like no action, but I like Armin a lot so...yeah_

_xx LoveSongForDog_

* * *

Armin had always thought Jean was, well, a complete fool. At first, he never really liked him. He felt there was not much to like, to be brutally honest. The attitude he displayed to his best friend Eren, was disrespectful and it reminded him of all the bullies at home who used to purposely destroy his beloved books. He was very loud and annoying, like a pesky mosquito with his voice being almost nasal. Especially that irritating ''Huh?'' he would boom when he was completely confused. From what he had experienced, the taller boy was hot headed and rash. He and Eren were so much alike it was uncanny. At least Eren was somewhat kinder. Still, he couldn't understand why the pair weren't best of friends. It was odd to him that Eren and Jean were rivals. He would seem even pompous, being ever so loud when he was talking to Marco. Armin almost felt sorry for poor Marco, who in contrast was a little quieter and humble. He always seemed to stay by Jean's side. Loyal, no matter what his friend did. He really hoped that Jean appreciated what he had. Even Armin couldn't believe he had gained such wonderful friends. But, that was in the past. Time made people flower into maturity. Armin thought Jean had settled down quite a bit over the months. It was stark apparent in their recent expedition with the sudden discovery and meeting of the female titan (a tad too close for Armin's liking, mind you). He seemed wiser beyond his years and spoke with a tone of maturity. The blonde admired him, he decided the night after. He was taking Marco's passing so well on the outside. He clearly appreciated Marco for what he was and what he did for him, why would Armin think otherwise? He could never move on like that. To just keep moving forward was amazing. He had already been close to losing Eren once; the thoughts that rushed to his mind at the point in time were almost suicidal. But Jean, he was hiding it so well that it required you to make small observations to find out, though it did not take a genius. He hid it from the others behind closed doors. Inside that room he must've have been traumatized and upset, where he must have kept in hidden in small cupboards and drawers. Yet, he was so resilient. Armin honestly admired that. He wanted to be like that. Mature, but mostly strong emotionally and physically. He wished he could be so much stronger than he was. His intelligence wasn't helping anyone, was it now? He was no help to anyone .He was more like a heavy sack of potatoes that was a struggle to carry along. The only person who could like him then was Sasha. He had not even flowered into maturity. He was still just that crybaby child. He wanted to be like Mikasa, Eren and Jean. All so strong and so beautiful as they whipped through the sky slashing out napes as if it was their natural ability and like they were simply born to do it. They were like dancers. Dancers who were designed to be deadly. He'd never be that strong. His eyes shut tight and he tried to sleep. He had enough of this nonsense.

* * *

Armin rolled around in his bed. And after thinking so intensely, all he wanted was to fall into dream land where he would welcome sleep with warm and loving tired arms. He needed his rest. Just too many things had happened today. How could they lay so much pressure on the young man's shoulders? The term ''young man'' emphasized young significantly. He was over thinking in his mind much too hard. Preferably, he wanted to think about new military strategies and all of the events from today. Oh, especially all the events of today! Unfortunately, Annie Leonhardt was a titan, his theory well justified as they caught her off guard. He had figured that out while a while ago. He could not believe someone among them was an enemy and it was devastating to think about. Think about something else! Eren, even! He should be worrying Eren and his titan form! He held that exhausted body in his arms today. How many times would he be able to do that? Eren, who was currently in bed recovering his strength. Mikasa waited patiently in the room. She could wait forever by his side. He sometimes felt like the third wheel with those two, but he should be thinking about them and nothing else. They were his everything. His own family. But his mind couldn't keep up and was disrupted by clouded and carpeted with Jean. Why was his brain being like this? Why focus so hard on one topic, when his brain had so many things stored in there. Why, even thinking of food would be more relaxing at the moment. It was unbearable! And now, for reasons unknown to him, he was debating in his mind why people assigned the name "horse-face" for Jean. He didn't resemble a horse much at all. His face really wasn't that long. In fact it was a nice face. Sure it could look a little intimidating at times (especially the faces he made when he approached Eren) , but it was a strong face. Unlike Armin who thought he himself had a short stubby nose, his nose was delicate, longer and pointed like a prince's. His jaw was of a man's and Armin of a child's. His form was of a man's too, with strong shoulders and two strong legs. Legs that were not horse legs. And he liked that ''Huh'', who was he kidding, it was adorable. Armin wanted to see him smile again. He wanted to see everyone smile again. It's all he could ever want. Seeing his friends with glum expressions made him upset and less hopeful for humanity. But it was normal and he was used to it. It was a daily basis type of thing. Many, many people feeling so lost, confused, trapped, unable to breathe, despair, grief and anger. The only time he would be able to catch these smiles in his net was once all of the titans were dead. But who knew when that was going to happen. He doubted that it would happen in his timeline. He just knew was going to live a life of depressed faces. He hated to think about it, but the more he did, the more it seemed like a legitimate outcome. He sighed heavily, looking up into dark nothingness.

* * *

The small blond pulled the cover over his head. He could feel his own breath, making it extremely clammy and humid. This was enough! Honestly! Stupid horse-face!Stupid, stupid horse-face! Get out of there! Armin had no more room in his brain for the likes of Jean. The small moments in time he had spent with him replayed in his mind. Whilst on that campaign recently, called him a "capable fella" and that meant, well, that he didn't hate Armin. It was funny because he said this after mentioning he was ''Gross with Eren'', but the comment was cancelled out with that compliment. That was nice to think about. Oh, why would he care about social statuses that he had with anyone? He was fighting a war, and here he was caring about who was his friend and who wasn't. He had Mikasa and Eren and that's all he ever needed. He didn't want to bestow the responsibility of his company to anyone else, because he was unable to protect himself. Then again, Armin remembered later on in that day, standing on the thick tree branches, his head delicately wrapped in a bandage by a kind Reiner. He spoke out about his feelings of suspicions on Irvin's tactics. As he watched as the flare guns rise, he was worried now just how exactly they planned on using Eren. What exactly was their motive? Jean and he involved themselves in a quiet conversation, both of them expressing their opinion on the matter, but still kept an eye on the titans below. Armin always suspected that everyone thought he was weak, useless or a burden to the team. That's what everyone thought of him, right? He just knew behind their deceptive smiles that's what they were thinking of him. And yet walking to the Commander's meeting, where he would depart soon, Jean was quite objective to his claims. As the shorter lad said something about being of no help at all, Jean stopped him there, overlapping whatever he was going to say next. He stressed the fact that tacticians were very important, strength wasn't everything.

''What would soldiers be without tacticians among them? I'm sure they wouldn't survive very long, even with their strength'' he quietly admitted quietly. Armin pondered this for awhile, but Jean was too quick to speak again. He also said that to remember that Armin could use a maneuver gear, and no matter how bad he was at it, he could use it still!

'' You survived all that training Armin, you're obviously not as weak as you think you are. You obviously care for others. Have some confidence'' the taller boy reassured him. Armin looked up from staring at his feet, which were being placed one after another. It was relaxing to watch your own feet in a rhythm. It was true. He barely passed, but he had the small muscles he gained to prove it. And he really did care for others he supposed

The taller boy reminded the shorter boy, on how successful that plan of his worked, the one with the box and luring the titans, distracting them with their rifles and then mercilessly slaying them with blades. '''You made that plan all by yourself, you're a genius! None of us boneheads could ever figure out a plan like that''. Hearing those words from him made him smile softly. It wasn't from people like Eren who were supposed to tell you things like that, it was from Jean. A person who was not quite a best friend, but a person you just knew you could be friends with. ''You'll survive, don't worry Armin.''

''Thank you, Jean.'' Armin smiled a bit more, suppressing a grin that would split his face ear to ear. It was relief to hear that maybe not everyone thought he was useless.

* * *

And that's when he had figured it out. With his head being swallowed by his pillow, his covers devouring him, he had figured out why he was thinking so much about Jean's maturity and his jaw line. With the aid of books and the behavior of the people around him he had figured it out. , And it was tough nut to crack, it's shell being as hard as diamond. But after all his thinking , he knew. Armin Arlert deducted ( who thought he could be smarter than this) that he loved Jean Kirschstein. The signs all pointed to it logically, and if he was thinking about it so much more than his tactics (significant once he thought about it) it must be true! Tell him it was true so he could package it up and put it away. But why did he feel this way? Sure, teenagers had these feelings all the time, right? With their raging, rowdy behavior it was only natural. It all made sense in the terms of animals that he read about in books, they used courtship and then proceeded to mate (although he did not want to even think about THAT at the moment, preferably. He did not want to involve himself in any of IT yet). Why did he desire to have intellectual conversations with him , but then shortly later to pounce and kiss that strong face of his? Kisses. All over his cheekbones, his nose and his lips. He wanted to throw his arms around the boy, bury his face into his shoulder and melt into his structured form. All he ever wanted was to be told he was smart, that he was needed and that he was strong. He wanted to tell Jean that it was going to be alright, even if in reality it really wasn't. He wanted to see Jean smile again. He wanted to be that person that made Jean smile. No fake smiles. Just a smile exploding with happiness. A smile that dripped of love. But, the timing was ever so inconvenient. It seemed so unlikely to happen. Why pursue a relationship when mankind's enemy could rip your one into two, the other half completely isolated and grief ridden. He had heard many stories of this, among widows and fellow members, and had seen it in the flesh. Pushing all that aside, would Jean never love Armin. He was probably still emotionally delicate from Marco, whatever their relationship was. And Armin was so weak, not too pretty either. Not even attractive, he believed his face was just really ordinary and quite childlike. He really wasn't that smart either. Reassuring himself, he reminded his brain that he probably wasn't even Jean's type. He hardly knew the guy, he didn't know what he liked or who he really was. Hell, he probably liked someone else anyway, and that person wasn't going to be Armin. He was sure of it. Not to mention Eren and Mikasa wouldn't approve of it greatly, even though it was really none of their business. Especially Eren, even though he had matured too he probably held some kind of childish rivalry. He should leave it all alone. These feelings should be stashed away in the back of his mind, packed away firmly. Behind his very own doors, in locked away in secret cupboards. There was no point pondering such ridiculous thoughts. It was one of the many times where Armin felt extremely stupid. Is this what they called 'love sick' maybe one day….one day when all of his friends were smiling, he could tell him. He'd do it privately, quietly almost silently. He would hold the boy's hand, shake it dearly and hold it to his chest. He'd mutter certain words quietly. But, maybe even by then, his feelings would have dissolved from his clever little heart. Good. They were a waste of time, a clear waste on thoughts and a waste of rest. That's how it appeared to him at the moment as he lay in his bed. Who needed them? Not Armin. He didn't need this right now. It was rather selfish of him indeed. In that meeting today it was announced that Wall Rose had been breached. That was so much more important than silly little crushes. It could be placed rather highly above a sigh of love. Why did he have to compete with such nonsense? But, the boy could dream, and as he quietly let the wave of sleep wash over him, he wished that his dreams would be full of happy times, with friends, with smiles, with not a wink of a titan, with Jean Kirschstien.


End file.
